I was standing in the kitchen prepping my son’s g tube feed when I heard the rhythmic sound of determined little hands slapping the floor, steadily making progress towards their desired destination.
I held my breath as the slapping stopped and a decision needed to be made. At a crossroads she sat, either go straight to discover the fun at the end of the hallway or veer to the right and find mommy.
My daughter just started crawling.
This was her third day at it and the first time she had ventured beyond the comfort and safety of the family room. I was thrilled to look down and see that while sitting at that crossroads she chose the path that led to me. I kneeled down to snap her picture and sat on the floor clapping with her and letting her know how glad I was to see her.
It was a bittersweet moment. These past few days since this new found skill of hers has taken off have been filled with bittersweet moments.
This was the first time one of my children have been able to come to me on their own.
My son is quite the snuggler and loves to be held and kissed but even when I know he wants to be close to me I am the one who goes to him. The fact that my daughter intentionally sought me out and made her way to me was a moment I treasured.
But it in the midst of enjoying that moment with her, there was the stark realization of what I have missed in these moments that I have longed to have with my son.
When my daughter started crawling I was not prepared for how emotional it would be seeing her be able to move from one point to another all on her own. It was a mixture of joy and sadness, joy for my daughter and her newfound freedom to enjoy and explore the world around her and renewed sadness that my son is still waiting for that freedom.
I spoke with several other moms whose family makeup mirrors my own and found I am not alone in having such a wide range of emotions as milestones are met by one child while prayers are still waiting to be answered for the other child.
As times goes on and we adjust to our “new normal” of having a child who is mobile, I am sure these bittersweet feelings will not continue to hit me so hard.
In the meantime I am seeking to make the most of these firsts with my daughter and savor them as I continue to treasure and enjoy the beautiful moments that I have had and will have with my son as well.
I am finding these moments with both of them will look very different, but I want to make sure I treasure them all just the same.
Let’s Talk: Anyone else feel or have felt the same way when their first has challenges that the second one doesn’t? Whether you have a child with special needs or not do you remember how you felt when your child first found you on their own? What are some of your favorite memories with your little ones?
My youngest is the one with special needs in our family. She has mild CP and severe microcephaly which has caused major delays in all areas of development. I remember the day she first walked at 18 months. Her older siblings walked closer to a year old and it was hard to wait so long for her to take her first steps. She was so proud of herself!
Thank you so much for sharing. I imagine that was a day to remember!