Parenting Archives - The Sweet and The Salty

Overwhelmed, Busy, and Living In Two Education Worlds

By Jody March 28, 2018

These last couple of weeks and the one we’re in now have been pretty busy. Filled with both fun things and some mandatory things.

Lots of appointments, open house, a field trip, a performance, school Easter party, one child’s teacher appreciation week, my son’s IEP (which went very well), birthday parties, jog-a-thon and one of our favorite events each year, a special needs Easter egg hunt a local church puts on.

When things get busy I tend to shut down and come unglued in almost every area.

It doesn’t matter if it’s something super fun or something we have to do, I feel overwhelmed prepping for things that are out of the norm.

Making sure scheduled things work around my son’s g tube feeds, making sure I get presents bought and wrapped prior to the party or event starting, making sure we arrive at appointments on time or at least within the allotted grace period, making sure everyone is fed and has all the necessities we need for wherever we’re going; all of it overwhelms me.

When we have these busy seasons the on the go exhausts me, but also the anxious thoughts exhaust me about how its all going to go and get done and the fear that I won’t get a chance to rest and I’ll be to exhausted to get us everywhere we need to be.

Thoughts that I’ll be to busy trying to get places on time I won’t have time to shower. That I’ll be to exhausted to use time wisely with Drs and professionals who work with my son and I won’t ask all the questions that need to be answered. That all the regular chores and to dos will fall to the wayside and it will take what feels like forever to get caught back up.

I just get so overwhelmed during these busy seasons. I just really really like the non hectic times. The weeks where the schedule is as is, nothing extra, nothing removed, just as is.

This time around I ended up giving myself permission to cut some things out and to reschedule appointments as I could.

Things got cut that were really good things, things that for the moment and for awhile after left me plagued with guilt for not going, but also relieved for the freed up space to breathe a little.

And then there were the things that I just plain forgot about that had me shrinking in shame and embarrassment.

Showing up to my daughter’s school without flowers the day we were to bring flowers for teacher appreciation week left me hanging my head (and running to the store to buy gift cards instead.).

I know we were supposed to bring flowers but by the shear number of flowers they got I thought a gift card might be ok. And not something they’d need to take care of and water and eventually throw away etc.

And there points to my overwhelmness again, instead of seeing flowers as a beautiful gift, I cringe at the thought of them being an added task and something else to take care of and eventually clean up after.

This year marks the first year that I have a general education student.

And we’re just in our first seven months of general education preschool and I am amazed at the amazing, creative things Moms do for the school parties and the teachers.

And to absolutely no fault of these amazing moms, as I admire what they’ve created and coordinated and organized, as I stand amongst them with nothing tangible to show for my time, I want to scream but I feed my son 6 hours a day, I walk with him in his walker for hours each day, I spend hours every month on the phone coordinating things for him, among countless other tasks I’m responsible for and in the midst of all of it I pray and beg God to let my daughter knows she is loved too.

I want to scream it to be affirmed by these other moms and to remind myself that while I may have nothing to show for it as I stand in that preschool drop off line, I am still a worthy mom.

But I’m in a bind because on the other end, in the other world I live in, I hear the screams of I’m feeding my son wrong, I’m not doing enough to help him reach his potential, I’m going to harm him by letting him walk without his AFO’s even though with them on he can’t even walk and without them on he can not only walk but he can run.

I hear the screams of what I need to do more of for one child and then I’m confronted with all I’m not doing for the other.

It’s exhausting, it’s overwhelming, and it’s something I need to work through.

As I seek to settle my thoughts, dry the tears, and get still, I hear the gentle and grounding voice of my husband, reminding me that while it is easy for me to look at other women and see all they are doing and all that I am not, that there are many things I am doing that those other women are not.

That it goes both ways.

And that it says nothing about those women’s worth or mine, it just is how it is.

And that he sees what I’m doing, he sees the struggle and that even when my mind or outside voices are telling me I’m not doing enough for either child, that from his intimate vantage point, the closest vantage point there is, I am doing enough.

That yes of course there’s always room for improvement, but what I’m doing is what our particular family and what our particular children, the ones that God specifically gifted us, need.

And so while it still stings, how I struggle to handle these times of busyness, overwhelm, and being one of the only moms in the drop off line without something in my hand besides my daughter’s hand, I just have to take a deep breath, celebrate the amazingness of these other mom’s while not letting it detract from my own worth.

Improve where I can, be okay with what I do, okay with what I can’t do, and as my counselor taught me, to really truly have compassion on myself. I would heap grace upon grace on another mom with circumstances that mirror my own and over time my prayer is that I learn to give that gift to myself as well.

Forgetting a flower, while embarrassing, isn’t the end of the world.

Not making it to all the events, while disappointing, isn’t the end of the world.

Showing up late despite my best effort, while frustrating, isn’t the end of the world.

Listening to the truth in my husband’s words, learning to be realistic and ok with the things that I do and what I can’t do, and making what matters be about what is most impactful and an investment in my kids, that’s what’s going to make me be able to survive and thrive in these dual worlds.

And even though my surviving and thriving may look different than other Moms in this new general education world, I can flourish in both the worlds I reside in and celebrate others without feeling bad about myself in the process.

And speaking of process, I know this is going to be a continual process to work through as I’m confronted with various situations. I know that there will be times when I will hit it out of the park in taking these things in stride, and I know there will also be times when I’m caught off guard and the perception of myself as a failure will rule my heart before I can muster up the truth that I am not.

But as time goes on and I grow more confident in who I am as a mom, I pray and believe it will all become more and more enjoyable, day by day, school party by school party, and flower day by flower day.

And also by taking a very much needed nap, I think that will help it be okay too.

Let’s Talk: What causes you to feel overwhelmed and how do you handle those times?

Getting Out and About When One Child Uses A Wheelchair And The Other A Stroller: The Outside Edition

By Jody February 1, 2016

I recently found myself in quite a predicament trying to get out and about with my son using a wheelchair and my daughter getting a bit to squirmy for the baby carrier I had been using.

I scoured the internet looking for a solution and was pretty bummed there weren’t many readily found options out there.

It took quite a bit of digging until I eventually came across The Random Tandem Connection and all of a sudden life got a whole lot better.

This bar/clamp solution has been a game changer for me by allowing me to attach my daughter’s stroller to the side of my son’s wheelchair, making a stroller/wheelchair “double stroller.”

(Since this picture was taken we have gotten his seat and seat back replaced, it was falling apart!)

This is what I use when we go on walks around the neighborhood and I have been loving it. (This makes it too wide to go thru doors so its best for outdoors. I share my solution for when we go to appointments and other places indoors here.)

When I first got it and tried it out I was using an Uppa Baby Cruz and the shape of the frame of the stroller made it really challenging to attach, which made it really frustrating and time consuming so not as useful.

We decided to purchase this stroller instead and it has been pretty much seamless ever since. The smaller the frame of the stroller the less cumbersome and quicker it will be to attach.

This little contraption has seriously made such a difference for me. Before we had it and a stroller it worked well with, I wasn’t able to get out and exercise my favorite way, long walks around the neighborhood.

Being able to take both kids on a walk together has been such a treat for me and the kids love sitting next to each other and enjoying the ride.

Plus getting outside and going for a stroll keeps them busy when I need a break but can’t really get one. Also it calms them (and me!) and sort of “resets” us all when everyone’s getting a little out of sorts.

My son takes his big brother role of looking out for his little sister very seriously. When we first started using it I told him we needed to make sure she didn’t roll away and this was his solution :)!

How does the Random Tandem work:

The Random Tandem Connection consists of three bars, six clamps, and a safety strap.

To connect the stroller and wheelchair simply attach three clamps to the frame of the wheelchair and three clamps to the frame of the stroller, in spots parallel to each other.

Here’s a clamp on the stroller.

Here’s a clamp on the wheelchair.

Attach one clamp towards the bottom, one in the middle, and one towards the top of both the stroller and wheelchair.

Next line up the bars one by one and insert into each clamp and tighten.

Loop the safety strap between the stroller and wheelchair and there you go!

You’re all set, attached and ready to roll!

It does take a bit of practice at first.

The beauty of the Random Tandem is in its ability to attach at all types of angles. Once you get the angles down that work with the particular stroller and wheelchair you are attaching it gets easier the more times you attach and go.

I really hope this system helps you get out and about more if you’ve found yourself in this same situation.

It was such a breath of fresh air for me to be able to get out and, well get a breath of fresh air on my own with both my kids!

Let’s Talk: Have you found yourself in the same predicament? What tips or solutions do you have? What’s your favorite activity to “reset” yourself and/or your kids when everyone’s feeling out of sorts?

(This post contains affiliate links. Read disclosure policy here. I only link to what I personally use, love and/or see as useful. All opinions are 100% my own. Thank you so much for your support along this journey, whether that is you reading along and cheering us on, or if you find something I linked to useful and you contribute, at no extra cost to you, by making a purchase through my affiliate link. Either way, I sincerely thank you for taking time out of your day to stop by and read these words of mine.)

Vegetables: A Great Pick Me Up And My Cure For Over Thinking Things

By Jody August 17, 2015

There are many days that I sort of just trudge through. I wish it were different but right now it’s not. There is a lot of mundane and routine around here that goes quite a bit against my nature.

The day starts the same and ends the same everyday and the middle is pretty similar each day also. I like to think that my kids don’t know how drudgery the days sometimes are for me as I try my best to be as enthusiastic as possible for them despite how I feel.

To combat this I try to find little things that are just for myself to get excited about and have as a little treat, a little pick me up throughout the day if you will.

A few months ago I somehow stumbled into the glorious treat of steaming vegetables and melting grass fed butter on them. I had read in various places around the internet that grass fed butter is really healthy for us and that we absorb more of the nutrients of our vegetables if we eat them with a healthy fat such as….grass fed butter.

It sounded really good and freeing to be able to guiltlessly enjoy vegetables with butter and that they could be good for me that way. So I uncharacteristically threw caution to the wind, simply believed what I read and began voraciously indulging in my new treat of vegetables with butter. And wow are they delicious!

I have never been much of a vegetable eater because I never made it enjoyable for myself. I was of the mindset that if I am going to eat vegetables I am going to eat them pure, no salt, no butter, no cooking them, no enjoying them.

I had no idea all that I had been missing by doing this to myself. I now find myself craving steamed vegetables and butter and I eat them almost everyday. Instead of chips (for the most part) I am now asking my husband to pick me up some brussel sprouts and asparagus on his way home.

I’m finding that this new treat of mine is really a great pick me up in the middle of the day. Not only does it taste delicious, is quick to make, and gives me a good boost of energy but it’s also very empowering to know I am doing something so good for myself by going to town on some vegetables.

If I was instead indulging in a sugary treat (as I have definitely done numerous times) I know I would just wind up with even less energy, would be feeling bad about eating unhealthy again and I would be adding it to my list of things I torment myself with that I am doing wrong (working on this.)

Therefore eating vegetables and butter (sometimes smothered in butter) as a snack has been great not just for my physical health but for my mental health as well.

It feels good to treat myself and not feel guilty and bad about myself as a result of that treat.

And as much as I really really want my vegetable treat to be just that, my treat alone to the point where I want to enjoy it in hiding and keep it all to myself (I’m finding it that good), I would be amiss not to share the benefits with my kids. I can’t help but think it’s good for them to see me regularly preparing and eating vegetables and enthusiastically enjoying them myself. I would love for both of them (I really believe my son will eat by mouth one day) to grow to be veggie lovers too.

I know it seems odd but eating vegetables has really taught me a lot.

I’ve missed out on a lot of time that I could’ve been benefiting from and enjoying vegetables because I was too uptight about them.

I made eating them into a bigger deal than they needed to be.

I had read so much about the right way to eat them: don’t cook them too much, raw is best, don’t put anything on them, you only get the benefits if you eat them this way and on and on the information can go.

I’ve found since I’ve relaxed, loosened up a bit, gone ahead and just put some butter on them I’m finding myself enjoying and benefiting from what was once so elusive to me, even if I may not be going about it the exact perfect way.

I have a feeling there’s quite a few enjoyable beneficial things in life that have been eluding me as a result of my tendency to really over think things. To over think things to the point of doing nothing but researching, discussing my decision (or lack of) and being exhausted from all the analyzing and thinking that I just wind up doing nothing.

Eating vegetables with butter has really taught me that I need to just go ahead and live a little, and I might actually find I enjoy it.

So what if what I researched is completely wrong and grass fed butters not as healthy as the Internet claims it to be? I am now regularly enjoying vegetables and I know the benefits I’m getting from them with a little butter are way more than when I was so uptight about they way they had to be eaten that I just didn’t eat them at all.

So now as I enjoy my vegetables I find myself looking forward to finding other wonderful things in life I’ve been missing out on as a result of my inclination to over think things.

How exciting is to think (not too much though!) about all the other delicious treats of life out there just waiting to be savored!

I’d love to hear from you, do you tend to over think like me or are you more in the middle or throw caution to the wind side? Have you ever missed out on something really beneficial because of over thinking? Also if you regularly eat veggies how do you enjoy them? I’d love to hear your ideas of different ways to partake of them!