Tips Archives - Page 2 of 6 - The Sweet and The Salty

Getting the Ugly Out: How I’m Using My Journal and Shredder for Emotional Recovery

By Jody August 30, 2016

In any given day, as mostly all of us do, I experience a wide range of different emotions, thoughts, and feelings. These are a result of the happenings of that particular day as well as past happenings of days and even years gone by.

Some of these emotions and thoughts are wonderful and spill over into me being a joy filled pleasant person to be around.

These are the days where my husband and I get along well, we have so much fun as a family, I’m patient with those who I cross paths with and I spend good quality time with my children.

Other days, or even just parts of days, my emotions and thoughts, wow, good just does not come out of them. These are the angry, broken, hurt days.

Feelings and negative thoughts that are hard for me to contain slip out in reactions that are unhealthily protective of myself and hurtful towards those closest to me.

Well, usually targeting one person in particular who is closest to me, and that person is my husband.

My husband loves me well and continues to show me patience and forgiveness even when I lash out angrily at him. He is able to see past the blow ups and see the frustration, hurt and brokenness behind it all and once it’s over and I’ve calmed down he responds with understanding and compassion.

It is that love and compassion he shows me that makes me want to deal with the underlying issues that is keeping the cycle going.

He has really helped me to see that there has been a lot to deal with in the past few years and what I’ve done is not deal with it.

In the past six years we received a foundation shaking diagnosis for our son, our son went thru two open heart surgeries, I had two miscarriages, our daughter was suddenly born a little early and spent time in the NICU, a close family member attempted suicide and spiraled downward into depression, and we had what felt to us like a major fight at my son’s school.

All of my not dealing with it caught up to me in the form of health issues and anger, just to name a few ways.

As a way to attempt to work through the negative thoughts and feelings that continue to surface I’ve begun implementing regular sessions of journaling as a means to just get the ugly out, before it spills out uncontrolled on its own.

I’ve done this in the past and when I stick with it consistently, which for me means several days a week, I am able to process my feelings better and my angry outbursts lessen.

However, I recently realized that I needed to take it a step further and really honestly dig into the lingering heartache stemming from some of the situations I’ve faced these past few years.

I needed to be able to go deep and explore the true underlying causes of a lot of my reactions and I needed to be able to do it with absolutely no fear of judgement and without fear of anyone stumbling upon my feelings being poured out now or in the future.

So I have taken an important step toward emotional healing and recovery by immediately shredding what I just journaled as soon as I’m done writing it.

I literally write, write, write and then tear it out and right through the shredder it goes.

Doing this journaling and immediately shredding has given me so much freedom to truly write unashamedly about what is going on with me.

No more condemning myself in my journal and subconsciously writing my own thoughts and feelings to paint myself in the best light knowing what I’m writing could one day be read by someone else.

Instead, now, I am able to explore honestly what is going on in my heart.

As a result, I’ve been able to deal with the feelings I’ve tried to will away but won’t go away and just really need to be explored and dealt with.

Has doing this decreased my angry outbursts?

So no, not at first.

In fact, they actually increased as things I needed to process were brought to the surface and I hadn’t changed my way of coping yet.

I have, though, been able though to better articulate to my husband what is the root cause and descalate quicker as a result.

And as I continue to do this journaling and shredding and stick with it (key for me!) the outbursts are happening less and less.

I’ve just been at it for a few months and as I’ve explored some pretty shameful thoughts and feelings, those particular thoughts and feelings are no longer floating around in my heart and mind. Some things that were plaguing me are pretty much non existent in my thought life as a result of having a way to honestly get them out.

One important component of this, I’m discovering, and this is just as important as getting it all out, is once I get it out, I need to fill myself up with goodness and truth.

As a Christian, for me this means reading God’s word and allowing His truth to fill me up in place of what I just emptied out.

I’ve found this time of filling up to be incredibly beneficial coupled with getting the ugly out.

This filling up after can look different for everyone. Just make sure after you get it out, that you then fill yourself back up with truth about how loved and valuable you are.

So practically what does this look like?

Ok so I’m sure a lot of you reading this are like me and pretty strapped for time.

But I’ve learned this is important for my own health and for the health of my marriage, my children and other important relationships so I’m making sure I make time for it.

Ideally I like to do my getting it out at night when I’m winding down from the day and the happenings of the day are done and fresh in my mind. (Bonus: Doing this journaling at night also helps me sleep better!)

I then like to do my filling up in the morning with some time spent writing what I’m grateful for, reading my Bible and praying.

This helps me to start my day filled up with peace and love and gives me a running start to fight the negativity that surfaces throughout the day.

Depending on what is going on and how much time I have, I typically spend about 20 minutes getting it out and filling back up, respectively.

I’ve also done it just for 3-5 minutes when time is really tight and found that beneficial also.

Naptime has also been a great time spend to some time journaling and even when I’ve felt myself really boiling over, I am very comfortable with kids sitting and watching videos while I get out what needs to get out.

I would love it if I did this seven days a week but reality is I get it in two to three days a week and I’m still finding this practice of getting it out and filling up so impactful.

I’m definitely starting to feel much different inside as a result and I am pretty positive this will have a profound lasting affect on my interactions with others, especially my husband.

Tools of the Trade

Here are some of the items I use during my emptying out and filling up time. You definitely don’t need all of this but I love things like this so I wanted to share!

Journal or Notebook (I’m currently using this one here)
Shredder
Pens or other writing instrument (Pilot G2 pens are my favorite!)

Nice items to have on hand:

Music (I go through my Amazon Prime account for relaxing instrumental music, this is my current favorite)
Earphones
Lap Desk (It helps to be able to sit in your favorite chair, couch or bed and write comfortably!)
Here’s the bible I’m using now. It’s the Daily Reading Bible and I LOVE that it has sections to read each day all laid out for me!

Let’s Talk: What do you do when you just need to get the emotions out? What struggles do you find yourself facing when you keep it all in?

(This post contains affiliate links. Read Disclosure Policy here)

Getting Organized by Getting You as a Person Organized

By Jody March 11, 2016

Getting control of my schedule, to dos, and chaos at home has been an ongoing battle for me.

I crave organization and the calm and peace it brings, but I am not a naturally organized person at all, in any way shape or form.

I have to work really hard at being organized and be very vigilant about it in order to experience the calm and peace that results from it.

When I was first married, I read Making Your Home a Haven: Strategies for the Domestically Challenged and it has remained my favorite go to read for nearly ten years when I need inspiration for getting organized.

Even though I’ve read countless others books on the subject, Making Your Home a Haven is the only one I keep a physical copy of on my bookshelf, and the only one I can really recall being incredibly helped and impacted by.

So while that book still remains my favorite book on organization (it’s been there for me through a lot over the years!) I recently finished a book that has come in as a very very close second.

A running theme between these two favorite books of mine is that in order to really get organized, you have to get your inner world organized much like you need to get your outer world organized.

Although when I was younger and much more naive I enjoyed the beginning of Making Home Your Home a Haven where this concept was discussed, but I really wanted the meat, the practicals of how to get my home together and so that was what I focused more on.

Well, years later I realize how absolutely important it is to get my internal life organized in order for my external life to be organized.

Which is why when I came across a book actually titled Organizing You, I was incredibly intrigued and bought it right away. I was so intrigued and hopeful about it (and honestly feeling a little desperate about the state of some things) that it never even made it into my reading que as I just started reading it as soon as I bought it. (I came across it after I read this review of a different book by the same author).

So many times I have worked so hard and spent so many hours to declutter, to put things where they make the most sense, and make my surroundings as orderly as possible. And then try to implement elaborate systems to make sure it all stays that way.

And yet time and time again I’d find myself slipping pretty quickly back into my old habits and ways that caused the chaos and disorder in my home, to do list and schedule in the first place.

I’ve come to a point where I really realize that no amount of organizing my home is going to solve my organizational challenges if internally chaos is swirling around in my head and heart.

And that is exactly what my new second favorite book on organizing is all about.

It’s about using organization to get rid of your spiritual clutter and all of the “shoulds” and “need tos” taking over your mind and keeping you from calm, peace, rest, and enjoying what’s most important to you in life.

And it is chock full of practical tips of exactly how to go about de-cluttering yourself and getting yourself organized first and foremost.

One of my biggest challenges has been keeping track of all the day to day tasks I need to do to not fall behind on things that absolutely have to have get done to keep the household running smoothly as well as the things I need to be doing with and for my children.

I found a solution in this book that I can not wait to try and I feel it has a lot of potential to be really beneficial to our home.

That solution is called chore cards and I am adapting them to my unique circumstance (which the authors talks a lot about doing) and calling them priority cards.

I have it all set up and have started using it and am still tweaking it some. Once I get up and fully going with it I will for sure be back here blogging about how’s it helping me (or if I find its not working the way I thought it would I’ll be blogging about that, but I’m really hoping I’ll be blogging about how it’s helping!).

The book also really helped me with some practical ways to use my planner as a way to get things out of my head, written down and actually done! As a result I’ve been spending a few minutes each evening planning out my next day and not just writing tasks down, but (gasp) actually planning out when I’m going to do them.

Which I know that sounds like such common sense but previously I had been stopping at the write it down step and then going about my day haphazardly with all these to dos written down and no actual plan or time specified for when I was going to do them.

So now instead of just letting my days happen and stressing about what I needed to be doing and when and how what needs to get done is going to get done, I’ve been facing each day with a written plan.

Since implementing this my days are going so much more smoothly and efficiently. Not perfectly, but definitely flowing much much better and more priorities and must dos are getting done and checked off.

I really loved the practical tips in this book as well as the authors tone and writing style. Very conversational, very thorough, and very non condemning! I did quite a bit of highlighting throughout the book.

The only time I did feel a little anxious and overwhelmed while reading was when she was outlining a way to keep track of the occasional tasks that need to be done. And this was because, to be honest, I’m still just trying to handle getting the day to day necessities done and I was like oh my I am supposed to do those things too?

So I gave myself permission to go back to the section at a later time. And the author really talks a lot about that too, not feeling like you have to do things, but figuring out what needs to be done for your life and your home, and nothing more.

In addition to the practical, the author also delves into some pretty deep heart issues a lot of moms may deal with.

One being anxiety and another feelings of guilt and like we’re not doing enough. Both of these are big ones for me and she gave me a lot of food for thought in both of these areas.

The author definitely has a gift for getting to the heart of the matter and delivering the practical!

I enjoyed this book so much that when I finished it I missed her encouraging voice so I’ve already started her other book.

I’m excited to implement what I learned in this book for awhile and report back what is working and ways I’ve tweaked some of her suggestions to fit our life.

The author describes Organizing You as focusing on the inner woman, on truly organizing you as a person and I totally concur that’s what this book is all about.

It’s the kind of order and organization I’ve been craving, and I believe that by getting myself together, all the rest will follow.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and struggling to get organized, Organizing You is definitely a book I think you will find helpful.

*It is written from a decidedly Christian perspective (which lines up with my faith) but I did want to make sure I mention that in case anyone buys it and is caught off guard by that.

Let’s Talk: I definitely love a good practical book on organizing! What are some of your favorites? What tips do you have to share for what most helps you keep track of all the things you need to do and keep the mental and spiritual clutter at bay?

(This post contains affiliate links. Read disclosure policy here).

Getting Out and About When One Child Uses a Wheelchair and the Other a Stroller: The Inside Edition

By Jody February 15, 2016

Welcome to Part 2 of posts about a couple of products I love that have been life changing for me in getting out and about with my son using a wheelchair and my daughter a stroller. You can find the first part here.

What I’m sharing about today has made my life so much easier and has helped tremendously to bring down my stress level when going to therapies and doctor appointments. Without further ado here it is! The junior x rider in conjunction with the random tandem connection.

This collaboration of innovative products has saved my back some serious strain and has made taking both my son and daughter to appointments a breeze (for the most part).

I love being able to have my daughter ride in her seat on the back of my son’s wheelchair.

While I love the random tandem for all things outdoors it just doesn’t work for going through doorways. This has been the perfect solution for indoors and is very quick to attach and go.

Right now this keeps my daughter completely entertained during appointments but I’m not sure how long it will last!

Surprising it actually maneuvers very well as well. Sometimes we have a little trouble turning and have to do some 3-5 five point turns but for the most part it is really easy to push and get around with.

The seat does stick out pretty significantly so instead of bending over to push them I have taken to standing off to my daughters right side (just the most comfortable for me) and pushing like that.

I have used it outside on some pretty lengthy walks before we got the right stroller to use with our random tandem. Even on those more lengthy walks it worked and rode very well.

The junior x rider comes disassembled so it does have to be put together. My husband did it and said that it wasn’t too bad. It took him about an hour if I remember correctly (which I may not be). All I know is it’s put together and I’ve been loving it!

The junior x rider is designed to go on the back of a stroller that has a bar going across. My son’s wheelchair does not have a bar like that so we simply keep one of the random tandem bars attached for easy attaching and going.

The junior x rider comes with a strap where you can fold the seat up attach it the stroller (wheelchair) but it seems to cumbersome for us like that so we just detach it once we’re done with it. It’s really quick to attach and detach.

Once the child riding in the seat is older and bigger there is the option to remove the seat and the child can stand on the board left and ride along that way.

When you are using the seat there is an easily adjustable seat belt to keep your child safe and sitting down.

This find has been such a blessing. I was taking my daughter to appointments wearing her in my moby wrap or becco and I really loved being close to her like that.

However I was needing to lift my son out of his chair often and having her on me and lifting him was too much for my back. Not to mention all of a sudden she discovered the joy of grabbing things from my hand so dodging those eager hands while trying to do bolus (syringe) g-tube feeds was becoming quite the challenge.

Appointments have truly gotten 100 percent better since we’ve been attending with them attached this way.

I highly recommend this as a solution to having a child who uses a wheelchair and a pretoddler/toddler and needing to take them both to appointments/ therapies/ errands etc.

I sincerely pray this will help those who need it as much as it has me.

If you are feeling discouraged about the options out there for this type of situation I hope this and the one I shared here will enable you to reduce your stress if even a little bit in getting out and about and allow you more freedom to get out and about and enjoy life more!

Let’s Talk: What are some of your favorite solutions for making life easier getting out and about? Whether its something like I shared about in this post or a favorite organizing bag, etc, I’d love to hear about something you love that makes life easier!

*This post contains affiliate links. Please know there is absolutely no obligation ever to purchase anything! If, however, you do decide something I have linked to would be useful to you, any purchases made through the links in this post results in me receiving a small commission. You can find more information about this in our disclosure policy here. I want to say thank you for your support along this journey, whether that is you reading along and cheering us on or if you contribute financially through making a purchase. Either way, I sincerely thank you for taking time out of your day to stop by and read these words of mine.