The Sweet and The Salty

Blogging vs Journaling

By Jody May 20, 2013

I LOVE writing. It has probably been the single most therapeutic thing I do. Excercise is up there also (when I actually do it) but it doesn’t hold a candle to the clean feeling I have after writing.

It’s hard to describe, this feeling I have when the words have run out and the pressure to get them out is relieved.

I feel light, free, and purposeful. And it happens every time.

Every time I sit down to write I feel better after.

Blogging vs

I do two kinds of writing. I write publicly here on this blog and I also write privately in a very private journal that I hope no one ever reads.

Both have totally different purposes, but I have found both are very necessary for me.

However, since I have been blogging, I’ve slacked off on my journaling.

I’m glad in a way that happened as it has helped me to see how important and how absolutely necessary journaling is for me.

When I write for blogging, I write for the purpose of sharing what I have written.

I write with an audience in mind. I write knowing that someone will hopefully read it and that it will hopefully resonate with them and touch their life in some way.

I write publicly for the purpose of connection with other people and the benefits that come from those connections.

I have been blessed tremendously by the connections I have made through blog writing.

There is nothing like putting my thoughts, feelings, and experiences down in written form and having another life touched by it or have another reach out and provide me with comfort and encouragement based on what I have written and shared.

I truly enjoy blog writing!

But there is a part of me that NEEDS private writing and the freedom it brings.

There are thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams that I am either to ashamed to share with others, to bashful to admit I have, or they are to close to my heart to let them go very far.

Private writing for me consists of opening my journal, writing the date and the time followed by Dear Heavenly Father.

I then proceed to take God at His Word when He says to cast all my cares on Him.

Whatever comes to my mind, whatever needs to get out, gets out, no matter how ugly, shameful, or petty it is.

It took me a LONG time till I could write honestly this way.

But this type of writing, this get it all out, hold nothing back writing has brought me peace of mind like nothing else. There have been times when I have been plagued by a thought or a fear so overwhelming I felt like it was crushing me, only to have it all but disappear when I’ve spent some time journaling HONESTLY about it.

Private writing is a serious tool for me to have healthy emotions and a healthy sense of well-being. Private writing is so therapeutic. It is freeing, it is faith building, it is an absolute must for me.

I think the excitement and thrill of blog writing made me forget for a little while my need for private writing.

But after a while the feelings and emotions have once again begun to well up and seek a place to be spilled in a messy, unstructured, ultra safe place.

I know that I must heed them and allow them to have their place to dwell and be sorted out.

If I don’t I know they will find their way out, somehow, someway, and dealing with them then won’t be nearly as therapeutic and they will definitely require a lot more clean up than simply closing my journal and putting my pen down.

I am glad that I took a little break from private writing. It has helped me to really see the value in it and also helped me to see that while I truly enjoy public writing, I MUST make time to do my private writing also.

Both are important to me in this season of life. Both are necessary in their own way. Both have really helped me in this journey I’m on with Champion. Both contribute to my life in a healthy way and, with the time I do have available for writing, I now know that I NEED to strike a healthy balance between the two.

Let’s Talk! Are you writer? Do you journal? What benefits have you experienced from writing? If not, what are some other activities you find therapeutic?

Linked at: Fellowship Friday

Today, I Cried Hard. And it Felt SO Good.

By Jody May 1, 2013

When I got the call today that the continuation of Champion’s feeding therapy had been denied, I cried really hard. I cried while the messenger told me the news, I cried while I left messages for his therapists, doctor, and insurance. I cried in my car driving home, and I cried while my husband was leaving for work.

I just cried, and it felt really really good to do.

Learning about the denial for Champion’s feeding therapy (which we are appealing) was what started me on my crying spree, but it wasn’t really the root.

I was crying for what feeding therapy means to our family and what the lack of it means as well.

Champion is fed by a tube going into his stomach, called a g-tube. He got it when he was 4 mos old, after his open heart surgery.

Right now he gets 12 g tube feeds a day, every single day. He is on a blenderized diet that we blend for him every single day, rain or shine.

As soon as he wakes up he’s attached to the tube and throughout the day he receives the 12 feeds, some water feeds and some food feeds to make up the 12. He’s pretty much attached to the tube the whole entire day.

In between 7:30pm and 8:30pm he falls asleep in my arms on the couch, where I sit with him, holding him upright until he finishes the last of his feeds around midnight, and then once I’ve held him upright for about 45 minutes after the feed is done, him and I lay down in what has become our bed and go to sleep.

I am up with him several times through the night, as he wakes up in discomfort from acid reflux. Husband is in what has become his bed in what has become his room.

This is our routine day in and day out and has been for over three years. Which also means it has been over three years since I have slept in the same bed with my husband.

I cried so hard today when the feeding therapy was denied.

Champion has always been in some type of feeding therapy through our state therapy program. It wasn’t till three months ago when he started this particular feeding therapy, in an acute hospital setting with a specialized feeding therapy program that is well-known for their success at getting kids off their gtubes, that we began to see real progress and had therapists working with Champion who truly believed with us that he could become an oral eater.

Seeing him make progress, be able to swallow and enjoy food, and have therapists who truly believed in his feeding ability made the therapy a dream for me, something I looked forward to taking him to twice a week.

And it gave me hope that I would get a full night’s sleep again, that I would sleep in the bed with my husband again, and that Champion would not spend all his days and half way into the night attached to a tube.

But now, for now, in a mess of insurance confusion and bureaucracy that therapy is gone. And just for a while today with it went my hopes for what life would be like without the tube, for us and for Champion.

It felt so good today to allow myself to just cry and not care who knew I was breaking down.

It felt good to taste the salty bitter tears I had been keeping inside, thinking keeping them there was somehow preserving me and making me stronger as I fight for the best for my Champion.

It felt good to have my crying heard by people who love and care about Champion and want to help him. It felt good to hear them say, “We hear your cries and we’re going to do what we can to help get this fixed.”

Crying didn’t get appeals written or services back in place. Crying won’t change the fact that tonight I’m still holding Champion upright late into the night, or that my husband and I haven’t slept in the same bed in literally years, or that as soon as morning comes Champion will be reattached to his tube.

Crying won’t change the fact that it will take a lot of work, time, and energy that I don’t have to get the services started again.

But crying did accomplish something today. And that is that it simply made me feel good.

Let’s Talk: Ever had a time where even though crying didn’t fix it, it just felt good?

Photo Credit: memekode,

Taking Care of Ourselves: A Must, Not An Option

By Jody April 25, 2013

Tonight I took a bath and read a good book while Husband spent time with Champion. Last week I took a long walk by myself, while Champion’s respite worker was here. Next week I’m going to start attending a ladies only small group at church.

As a mom to a child with special needs, it is VERY easy for one to forget to take care of themselves, to forget who they are, to not take any time to be rejuvenated, recharged, and refreshed.

Special Needs Parenting, Take care of You, Special Needs Mom

The minute Champion was born, life changed drastically for us. As with any newborn we needed to adjust to his schedule, be sure we met his needs, and provide him the care he needed.

However, normally as time goes on, babies become older and slowly more independent. When a child has special needs, that independence can take a very long time to come, if it comes at all.

Therefore the demands on the parents doesn’t naturally let up, as it does in a “typical” situation. Finding relief from those demands can be extremely challenging for the special needs parent.

When Champion was younger the guilt I felt for taking time for myself was overwhelming. I felt so bad stepping away for a bit to regroup that when I did, it did me no good.

I would think how instead of being away I needed to spend this time doing x,y, and z with Champion, because if I don’t then he will never ______(fill in the blank with whatever skill we’re focusing on at that moment.) So I didn’t really take breaks, and if I did, I spent the time feeling very guilty.

Fast forward a couple of years and continuing like that got me on an aspirin regimen for risk of heart attack and stroke, extremely sleep deprived, a messed up thyroid and depressed.

And on top of that my time with Champion wasn’t being spent the best it could. My energy level sucked, my motivation to work with him was disappearing, and I just plain wasn’t happy.

Maybe this sounds familiar to you. Maybe you’ve been doing like I was and not caring for yourself the way you need to.

If you’re the parent of a child with special needs, or in any type of situation that places extremes demands on you, you know one of the hardest things to do is to make sure you are taking care of yourself. For some reason its our nature as women and especially as Mommas to put ourselves last.

But I’ve slowly learned that doing this actually does more harm than good. We think we’re doing good by trying to do it all, but the long-term effects show that we’re not. And it actually models the wrong thing for our children. We want them to learn to hopefully take good care of themselves and if they don’t see us doing it, they’re not learning it.

So I’ve started taking care of myself. I’ve come to the conclusion in my heart that it’s not selfish to take time away, to do what I enjoy, to participate in activities that refresh me.

I realized that the more I do this, take time to take care of myself, the better I am for my family when I am with them.

Making it a priority to take care of myself is making a big difference for me and for those that I love most.

I want to encourage you, if you are reading this and you are struggling in this area like I have, please do what you need to do to take care of you.

Even if it’s just something simple, like a walk or a bath or a coffee outside by yourself, please find a way to make it happen regularly. I’ve found even the littlest efforts I make to take care of myself go a long way.

By taking the time to take care of ourselves, we can each be the best that we can be, for the people in our lives who desperately need us so much.

Let’s Talk: Are you struggling with taking care of YOU? What’s one thing you are going to do this week that will refresh and rejuvenate you? If you are doing good taking care of yourself, please share some tips to help others get there too!

Photo Credit for both photos : return the sun